Talking to children about COVID-19
WHO declared pandemic on 12/03/19
The UK government announced a couple days ago that people should begin social distancing, working from home when able, and self-isolating for the most vulnerable. This means that, for the majority of people, their lives have become very shaken up. Whilst schools are still open for now, COVID-19 is having a huge impact on our children.
I know many parents who’ve been having a very hard time trying to get their young children to wash their hands often. (If this is you I highly recommend this video).
On top of this parents may also be worried about how to talk to their child about COVID-19. Many may be peppered with questions from their kids
Why is rubgy cancelled?
Why can’t we go to the cinema?
Why am I not allowed to see grandma?
It can be difficult to know how much to tell children. Most parents want to protect their children and don’t want them to worry, but also want their children to understand that they’re not being denied doing things because we’re mean. So below is some advice for how to talk to children about COVID-19.
Avoiding the issue doesn’t work to protect them. Children know when things are ‘wrong’- they’re very good at picking up on the ‘atmosphere’ of stress and uncertainty. No matter how well you think you might be able to hide how you’re feeling from them they will pick up on it.
Supporting their understanding is very important. They may ask lots of questions and some may seem wildly inappropriate to you but it is important to give straight answers (using child friendly language). Children do not know as much as adults so they ask questions to find out the answers. They have far fewer life experiences- to them a papercut and COVID-19 might feel like the same thing. Asking questions is how they’ll understand the difference. Encourage them to ask as many questions as they want.
Use child-friendly language. Children don’t have as good literacy skills as adults. Sounds obvious but it’s easy to forget when you’re stressed or faced with unusual circumstances. Think through what you’re going to say before you have the conversation so you can make sure your child will understand. Avoid trying to ‘dress up’ language to make it sound less bad- this will definitely add to the confusion.
Respect that children have the same complicated emotions as adults. Demonstrate how to show emotions in an age-appropriate way. Letting children know how you’re feeling (being mindful to ensure they don’t feel responsible for your feelings) is a great way for them to learn that its okay to feel scared, worried, and confused. Help them learn to process how they’re feeling- maybe drawing or play. Allowing them a chance to express and process their emotions helps to build their resilience. It is important that children know it is okay to feel ‘negative’ emotions, help them to express them.
Be honest. Sweeping statements and time frames may be very unhelpful to children. Small children often don’t understand time frames very well, and in this instance with all the uncertainty you.cannot guarantee a timeframe. They need to be able to trust what you say. Telling white lies only helps in the short term and cause lasting damage to your relationship and their ability to trust you if they find out later that you’ve lied. e.g. if they ask “will Grandma die?” it is best to be honest “She might as the virus is worse for older people. She is keeping herself safe by not seeing people so she doesn’t get sick. We can send her a letter to post/video chat her later if you would like.” Children also learn a lot about the importance of truth telling from their caregivers; make sure your setting the example that you want to see from them.
Best version of the truth - the best way to protect children is with the best version of the truth. We can’t protect children from adversity by hiding it from them; they will eventually have to face it. It is best to help them face it through meaningful conversation and activities.
Trust in your ability to parent. You know your child. You will know more about what they will or won’t understand than others. Some children are more mature than others and may understand more of life’s complexities than others their age. Equally your child might be on the other end. There is no set ‘script’ of what to tell children, so be guided by what you know about your children.